Can you be a Christian and Support Same Sex Marriage?

I think so, yes.

Source

 

Since today is the first day to early vote in my state, I thought I would share a bit about my views on being a Christian and also supporting same sex marriage.

I am not a theology scholar by a long shot, I am just throwing that out there.  I am only slightly familiar with the passages that condemn homosexuality in the bible.  And I won't bore you with the tired arguments that people make for and against these passages.  The bible is full of contradictions, I am well aware.  Being an Orthodox Christian, our premise and goal is to keep the ancient faith.  The church that Jesus himself established 2000+ years ago is what we strive to stay true to.  So that is my background as far as my religious point of view.

I am also a big fan of separation of church and state.  Even though I am a Christian and so are a lot of other people, I don't think everyone is doing it right.  Nor do I think there could never be a time when the majority of citizens in this country are Jewish, or Muslim.  You never know.  So I like the fact that we are all equally protected to do as we please under our constitution, and have the right to be left alone as we do it. 

So yeah.  Marriage.  I remember dreaming about being married and how awesome it would be when I was single.  Love and romance and the comfort of knowing they too wanted to be with me for forever.  And eventually we will have a little family of our own, and go to Disney World, and be so happy, for forever.  Easy right?  I don't mean to shatter any dreams of any single readers, but this is where the record player comes screeching to a halt.  Being married is really hard sometimes.  Most days it is great, and I come home and my favorite person is there to make me laugh, or hear about the latest work drama.  But then sometimes when we are on day 3 of picking fights with each other about really dumb stuff, I just want to scream f* this!  and then go back to my cozy little apartment and live my single life again, and not have to think about anyone but me. 

Marriage is one of 7 holy sacraments in my church.  "In every sacrament there is a combination of an outward visible sign with an inward spiritual grace." (source)  So basically it is like a gift from God for our salvation.  Most of the church stuff we do, is for our own healing.  We are taught that man is in a fallen state, we are all sinners, and the church is our hospital.  So when we attend services on Sunday, fast during certain times, confess and repent our sins; they are all to make us better Christians.  The whole point of it is to kill your own ego, and obey God.  Because what you want at any given instant is usually bad for your soul, and/or the easy way out.  Screaming obscenities and leaving is the easy way out of the challenge of being married.  But if I stay and love Aaron even when it is super hard for me, learn to accept him and respect him as my husband, I am being a better person, a better Christian, and making God happy.  And keeping my ego in check.  I know nothing, and I forget that a lot.  Is anyone a fan of Sisterwives, like I am?  While I think Polygamy is ridiculous, I can see from a vantage point how sharing a husband can be beneficial for your soul in an ego killing way.  You don't have to just love someone when they are frustrating you to your core, you have to deal with jealousy too.  It is ridiculous because of course the man doesn't have to fight the same fights you do, I think his ego only gets bigger with the more wives he gets.  I digress.

So if homosexuality is a sin, I guess it is a sin.  But it shouldn't be demonized any more than every other sin that you are sinning.  They are all one in the same.  We all have crosses to bear in our spiritual life, some bigger than others.  I am a glutton.  Sometimes I am a liar.  I get really angry sometimes.  I don't love my neighbor anywhere near as much as I should.  I am selfish.  I covet.  My name is Natalie, and I am a sinner.  And really, according to Aaron who is the closest person I know to being a Bible scholar, only the act of man on man 'adult activity' is specifically condemned per the bible. 

I posed a question to Aaron the other day, as I often do, and it was a conundrum.  If two people of the same sex are married, and are learning the tough lessons of martyrdom to your spouse just as we are; isn't that better (less sinful, if even) than a same sex or even heterosexual person getting down all around town with whomever?  We couldn't come up with a good answer, but my gut says yes. 

I don't know what is a condemnable offense, or what the bible specifically says, or if that is conveying what God even means when he made these 'laws' of life.  But I do know that the overall theme of the entire book, and the entire church is to love one another. 

Romans 13: 8-10
Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. ⁹ For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,”^[a] “You shall not covet,”^[b] and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”^{[c] 10} Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

So as I see it, if you are doing things with love, you are obeying God.  Simple as that.   

As the state sees my marriage, is quite another thing.  Aaron and I can file a joint tax return and get a little tax break.  I can visit him in the hospital.  I can have his social security benefits if he dies before me.  We are each responsible for each other's debts.  Plus a dozen other things depending on your personal situation.  It is just a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo.  And frankly, I don't want any church business involved in it.  And I don't see any reason aside from a church reason why this couldn't apply to any two consenting adults.  If a church wants to deny people who want to be married, I think that is within their rights, but there should be no reason for the government to deny that to its citizens. 

So that is my two cents.  I will be casting my vote for the Democrats this year.  Don't you just love politics and religion on a wedding blog?  LOL

I understand.  lol

The 4 CH's - Marriage Counseling with Fr Joseph

Source

In the Orthodox faith, we don't have a series of pre-martial sessions, we knock it out in an hour!  But a lot can be learned in that hour, which is good.  Last night we met with Fr. Joseph Honeycutt for our session.  Fr. Joseph used to be a priest at our church, but was reassigned to a different church in town.  Our head priest from St. George (our church) used to be Fr. John, but he got reassigned to Oklahoma - which is why we went to see Fr. Joseph.  Anyway, the point of the meeting was to discuss the mundane parts of marriage.  Fr. Joesph presented them in a concise manner of - the 4 CH's

CHeckbook:
Fr. Joseph (and everyone) says the #1 problem he sees with couples is in regards to money.  Some are savers, some are spenders, yadda yadda yadda.  Aaron and I are pretty aware of each other's attitudes about money, and our typical spending habits, the amounts of debt we each have.  I am really grateful that we can openly discuss finances - because it can be so easy to skirt the issue or attempt to hide those maxed out credit cards or that giant student loan.  Fr. Joseph basically suggested that we have one of us be responsible for making sure all the bills get paid, and we have one pot of where all the money goes into.  It is ok to have separate accounts, but there should be no secrecy about how much money is there, and especially how it is being spent because that can cause some serious tension/mistrust etc. that is damaging to your union.  You can't be a psycho about it either though, demanding accountability of every dime, because you don't want that to cause a rift either.   But it was mentioned that transparency has never been a bad thing in a marriage.

CHores
This topic wasn't covered in as much depth as the checkbook, but we talked about the spitting of the household duties.  We discussed how, sure, things are easy now when you just have to tidy up 600 sq ft of mess created by only 2 people, but one day when we have a house and a yard and all of that, it is going to become more of a challenge and we are going to need to help each other.  Though typically, and I don't think we will be the exception, the woman is the neater one(Lord, help us!).  We touched on communication styles a bit in this regard as well.  Am I more direct/passive aggressive when I need something done or help.  It was concluded that the direct approach works well for us - if it is mess we both helped to create, it shouldn't be an issue of asking the other to help in a polite manner.  We also talked about the subtle annoyances.  How there will be certain things about another person that drive you up the wall.  Fr. Joseph had a funny story about how he really likes the toilet paper to roll from the bottom, and his wife doesn't care one way or another.  Well even though she doesn't care, it is just her habit to put it on rolling from the top.  Well instead of going insane about it, Fr. Joseph decided - "I can just change the roll if it bothers me so much."  I can already tell you that things like this will probably sprout in Aaron and I's marriage.  I partially blame that fact that we are both going to be 30 years old and stuck in our ways of doing things, others are probably laziness or living by ourselves for too long!  It'll be an adjustment, but we just have to keep in mind that little menial stuff isn't going to change most likely, so either get over it or change it yourself.   

CHildren
This topic hasn't been discussed in great detail by Aaron and I, mainly just that we want kids, and we want to wait about a year after we marry to start trying for them.  Aaron totally threw me under the bus though and told Fr. Joseph that I was obsessed with babies.  I just love children and babies because they are so adorable and fun.  I am a girl, give me a break!  But yes, we talked about how having children is a big major change in your life and relationship.  Sure I love babies and think they are so cute, but Fr. Joseph was clear in saying that when the children come, that is when marriage really starts to feel like work, and you can really see what your made of as a couple.  And it may not be pretty, and we may be surprised to find that we weak people.  But we are here to lift each other up and help each other out, and we can't lose sight of that.  Also once they get older, we need to come together as far as our child rearing philosophy and back each other up.  Kids are smart and they will play us against each other like fiddles if we don't have a unified approach on things.  I feel like I got some good insight, but mostly it makes me want to make sure we are really really ready before we go down that road to parenthood.

CHanges
Lastly we discussed changes.  The people we marry in January aren't going to be the same in 5 years, or after children, or as we grow old together.  We talked about ways that he and I are there for each other, and what we bring to the relationship table.  I haven't ever been in a relationship that was significantly long term or anything, but from what I know of my long term friendships, this is absolutely true.  My best friend from high school is not the same girl as she was when we were 15, my best friend from college isn't the same girl that she was when we were 20.  I am certainly not the same as I was when I was younger.  Sure there are some things about us that are inherently who we are, but the more we learn and continue on a path we are on, we wind up in a different place.  Even if you stand completely still, the rest of the world is still moving.  So I think with this challenge the important things are flexibility, understanding, and managed expectations.  Flexibility in knowing they will change in some form or fashion, understanding for the reasons for change (and hopefully the changes are for the better), and managed expectations for things that may never change, though you might wish they would.  Like if you were marrying someone who thinks it is acceptable to go out in public in gym shorts, or socks with sandals for instance. 


These conversations we all had were merely intended to be a starting point for Aaron and I to continue upon.  I feel like we got some good advice and prospective on what marriage is going to take.  I really enjoyed meeting with Fr. Joseph, and hearing his humorous anecdotes about marriage. 


Fr. Joseph actually has a bunch of podcasts on Orthodox topics on Ancient Faith Radio - I've added the links below on his talks about marriage if anyone is interested!

http://ancientfaith.com/podcasts/orthodixie/just_an_old_fashioned_love_song
http://ancientfaith.com/podcasts/orthodixie/me_adam_you_helpmeet

Relationship Question

There is a popular segment that airs every Thursday morning on one of the radio stations in Houston called Roula and Ryan's Roses.  The premise of this show is a person in a relationship who suspects their partner of being unfaithful, calls the show and talks to the DJs (Roula and Ryan) about where their suspicions are coming from. (ie: he's acting distant, I found a tube of lipgloss in his car that isn't mine, her phone has all these flirty text messages from someone...etc.)  Well then, Roula calls your probably cheating partner and tells them - "Hi, I am from Plants and Flowers Inc. and you company has entered all the employees into a drawing for a dozen long stem roses and you are this week's winner!  We are sending them free of charge, just to promote our business, so who would you like to send those to?"  9 out of 10 times it is a woman calling about her dude.  And 9 times out of 10 he sends those free roses to his gal on the side.  At that point, Roula says "Well, Steve, you are actually on KRBE radio right now, and we have Jane on the line right now, and boy do you have some explaining to do!"  Then the crazy yelling and cursing goes on between the couple:  I f(*^%$# KNEW IT!  You are a (*^^$%^#$%^&%(*&,  and I hate you, it is over.  To which he responds, I can't believe you called the radio station!!?! &*^&*%(**&^. 
It is like a radio version of that show cheaters.
And I sort of hate the show, because it is so depressing.  It makes you think that every person out there is a real dirtbag.

Well, today's show was quite refreshing.  The gal called in and said her live-in boyfriend of 4 years all of the sudden has been acting sooo quiet and working late all the time.  Just really unusual stuff, and not communicating to her about anything.  So they call him up and he tells them YES, send them to the girlfriend.  Friday is going to be BIG, I am planning on proposing!  This is where is gets weird, since girlfriend is listening in on the call, and there are no flowers.  They say on the show that even if the accused sends the flowers to you, you still have to confront them on what you set them up for.  So I am thinking, yay, thank God, a good guy for once!  Well the guy gets soooo mad.  I mean, his surprise is ruined, and as it turns out he had been working an extra job so that he could afford a nice ring for his lady.  So she feels terrible, and he is now concerned that she thinks this is something he is capable of or that he is going to be put on trial every time he doesn't want to talk about something.  So they now have some stuff to work out, needless to say.

So my question to you guys is - Is it wrong to withhold things from your partner? 

My personal opinion is that I feel bad for the guy since he was being the opposite of a big jerk, but he can't be that surprised that he starts to disappear in the evenings with no word on what he is up to, and his girlfriend wouldn't come to that conclusion.  I mean, communication breakdowns can ruin relationships.  He probably should have said something to appease her until the surprise happens.  But what do you guys think?  When is it okay to keep stuff from your other half?  And not to get all John Quinones on you, but what would you do if you were being accused of cheating and you weren't?

If you click the about link, you should be able to access the actual segment online until midnight tonight!