Can you be a Christian and Support Same Sex Marriage?

I think so, yes.

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Since today is the first day to early vote in my state, I thought I would share a bit about my views on being a Christian and also supporting same sex marriage.

I am not a theology scholar by a long shot, I am just throwing that out there.  I am only slightly familiar with the passages that condemn homosexuality in the bible.  And I won't bore you with the tired arguments that people make for and against these passages.  The bible is full of contradictions, I am well aware.  Being an Orthodox Christian, our premise and goal is to keep the ancient faith.  The church that Jesus himself established 2000+ years ago is what we strive to stay true to.  So that is my background as far as my religious point of view.

I am also a big fan of separation of church and state.  Even though I am a Christian and so are a lot of other people, I don't think everyone is doing it right.  Nor do I think there could never be a time when the majority of citizens in this country are Jewish, or Muslim.  You never know.  So I like the fact that we are all equally protected to do as we please under our constitution, and have the right to be left alone as we do it. 

So yeah.  Marriage.  I remember dreaming about being married and how awesome it would be when I was single.  Love and romance and the comfort of knowing they too wanted to be with me for forever.  And eventually we will have a little family of our own, and go to Disney World, and be so happy, for forever.  Easy right?  I don't mean to shatter any dreams of any single readers, but this is where the record player comes screeching to a halt.  Being married is really hard sometimes.  Most days it is great, and I come home and my favorite person is there to make me laugh, or hear about the latest work drama.  But then sometimes when we are on day 3 of picking fights with each other about really dumb stuff, I just want to scream f* this!  and then go back to my cozy little apartment and live my single life again, and not have to think about anyone but me. 

Marriage is one of 7 holy sacraments in my church.  "In every sacrament there is a combination of an outward visible sign with an inward spiritual grace." (source)  So basically it is like a gift from God for our salvation.  Most of the church stuff we do, is for our own healing.  We are taught that man is in a fallen state, we are all sinners, and the church is our hospital.  So when we attend services on Sunday, fast during certain times, confess and repent our sins; they are all to make us better Christians.  The whole point of it is to kill your own ego, and obey God.  Because what you want at any given instant is usually bad for your soul, and/or the easy way out.  Screaming obscenities and leaving is the easy way out of the challenge of being married.  But if I stay and love Aaron even when it is super hard for me, learn to accept him and respect him as my husband, I am being a better person, a better Christian, and making God happy.  And keeping my ego in check.  I know nothing, and I forget that a lot.  Is anyone a fan of Sisterwives, like I am?  While I think Polygamy is ridiculous, I can see from a vantage point how sharing a husband can be beneficial for your soul in an ego killing way.  You don't have to just love someone when they are frustrating you to your core, you have to deal with jealousy too.  It is ridiculous because of course the man doesn't have to fight the same fights you do, I think his ego only gets bigger with the more wives he gets.  I digress.

So if homosexuality is a sin, I guess it is a sin.  But it shouldn't be demonized any more than every other sin that you are sinning.  They are all one in the same.  We all have crosses to bear in our spiritual life, some bigger than others.  I am a glutton.  Sometimes I am a liar.  I get really angry sometimes.  I don't love my neighbor anywhere near as much as I should.  I am selfish.  I covet.  My name is Natalie, and I am a sinner.  And really, according to Aaron who is the closest person I know to being a Bible scholar, only the act of man on man 'adult activity' is specifically condemned per the bible. 

I posed a question to Aaron the other day, as I often do, and it was a conundrum.  If two people of the same sex are married, and are learning the tough lessons of martyrdom to your spouse just as we are; isn't that better (less sinful, if even) than a same sex or even heterosexual person getting down all around town with whomever?  We couldn't come up with a good answer, but my gut says yes. 

I don't know what is a condemnable offense, or what the bible specifically says, or if that is conveying what God even means when he made these 'laws' of life.  But I do know that the overall theme of the entire book, and the entire church is to love one another. 

Romans 13: 8-10
Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. ⁹ For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,”^[a] “You shall not covet,”^[b] and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”^{[c] 10} Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

So as I see it, if you are doing things with love, you are obeying God.  Simple as that.   

As the state sees my marriage, is quite another thing.  Aaron and I can file a joint tax return and get a little tax break.  I can visit him in the hospital.  I can have his social security benefits if he dies before me.  We are each responsible for each other's debts.  Plus a dozen other things depending on your personal situation.  It is just a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo.  And frankly, I don't want any church business involved in it.  And I don't see any reason aside from a church reason why this couldn't apply to any two consenting adults.  If a church wants to deny people who want to be married, I think that is within their rights, but there should be no reason for the government to deny that to its citizens. 

So that is my two cents.  I will be casting my vote for the Democrats this year.  Don't you just love politics and religion on a wedding blog?  LOL

I understand.  lol

Rethinking the Honeymoon

We are anxiously awaiting the end of the semester and for Aaron's passport to arrive!  After some discussions and budget meetings, we think that while we would love to visit Montreal and Quebec City for our honeymoon, it would be extra awesome to be there in winter for the Quebec winter carnival.

Um, awesome!  (source)

So that would be a really fun first anniversary gift. (the traditional gift is paper - a plane ticket totally counts!)

As you can tell, I am longing for a get away in the much nearer future, and would like somewhere romantic-ish to go, but that isn't super expensive (ie: Paris) or isn't super typical (ie: crowded with tourists; ie: Cabo/Cancun)  Plus Aaron isn't really a beach guy at all, so I have to factor this into the equation.

Well it must be my lucky day/month/life because he has agreed to go on a cruise to Bermuda!!

And with luck, we will return home safe, lol  (source)

Insert Nerd Alert:  He thinks Bermuda would be interesting to visit because it is the second oldest continuously inhabited English settlement in the New World (after Jamestown).  This knowledge will win us Jeopardy! at some point I hope, lol.  

The cruise leaves out of NYC on June 3rd and is a week long, so we will get there in about a day and a half, and get to spend about four whole days on the island!  Win!  

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Hello paradise!

So I am super duper looking forward to the trip, and it will be here before we know it! :D  (And now, Aaron won't quit singing Kokomo by the Beach Boys...ugh, lol)

Update 4/30/12: trip is booked!!!

Wedding Crowns on Display

I totally forgot to share with you guys, the gift that my Mom made for Aaron and I for Easter:

Love!

Close Up

She mounted our wedding crowns in a shadow box with our wedding program!  Love love love!  It is tradition to display your wedding crowns in your home after the wedding as a reminder that "God has united them to each other and to Himself and that He has bestowed His grace upon them to live in unity, faith and love." (http://www.antiochian.org/1285), so I am glad we can now partake thanks to my Mom's handiness with all things crafty.  Thank you Mom!!

Wedding Crowns

We ordered our wedding crowns last week, and they have arrived!  We ordered from www.orthodoxweddingcrowns.com, and they came really quickly!  And they are just as beautiful as the picture:

St. Julia-Silver

The “St. Julia-Silver” crowns feature a stunning display of unique design, mixed with traditional qualities. Intricately woven silver thread/wire winds around baby pearls (faux pearls), creating a wonderfully rich design you won’t find anywhere else.

I have the St. Julia crowns attached with double-sided white Satin ribbon, and have been formed into traditional circular, 7” diameter crowns.

Source: www.orthodoxweddingcrowns.com

It was super difficult to decide which style we wanted, they are all gorgeous!  I am happy with our decision though.  We also ordered the small replica crowns to use as our cake topper, then as an ornament on our Christmas tree :)

Here is a nice overview of why the Orthodox wear wedding crowns:

http://www.orthodoxweddingcrowns.com/crownhistory.php

and here

http://orthodoxwiki.org/Marriage

Office of crowning

The second part of the service is the ceremony of coronation, in which the heads of the bridegroom and bride are crowned by the priest. In the Russian tradition, the crowns are gold or silver, while the Greek tradition uses crowns of leaves and flowers.
The crowns are crowns of joy, but also crowns of martyrdom, since marriage involves a self-sacrifice on both sides.
At the end of the service the newly married couple drink from the same cup of wine. This common cup is a symbol of the fact that after this they will share a common life with one another. This also recalls the miracle at the marriage feast of Cana in Galilee.


Yay, I am getting excited, we have just about 2 months to go!  Eeek!

The Long Walk Down the Aisle

I am happy to report that I have requested my grandpa (Buelo) to escort me down the aisle on the big day.  I am so glad that he is willing and able, and honored even.  :)

::a Natalie and Buelo pic will go here once scanned::

Figuring who to ask was troublesome to say the least.  I really considered walking alone, I mean, I'll be 30 years old by then, I am an independent woman!  Roar!!  lol.

I am glad my Buelo is up to it, but had he not been, my Dad has three wonderful brothers and two brothers in law that I am certain would have been delighted to give me away had I asked.  I just wouldn't know how to begin to decide between them.

And I thought about my little brother.  He would have been a good option too, but he is in the wedding as one of the groomsmen, which I think is the best place for a brother to be.  I just thought it would feel weird to be given away by my little bro, the one I look out for and give unsolicited advice to.

Then I thought about my Mom.  We are best friends.  She was Mom and Dad since I was 11.  She would be the most appropriate to give me away.  But I wanted my actual  Dad to be somehow represented, so Buelo seemed like a better choice.  Plus being Mother of the Bride is an important thing in and of itself.  I want her to have her time to go down the aisle before me and get ooh-ed and ahh-ed and 'doesn't she look lovely-ed' at.  If she walked with me she'd totally steal my thunder!  I am joking, but you get the picture.

For those of you who don't know the story, the reason my Dad isn't around to walk me down the aisle himself is because he passed away back in 1993 from cancer.  It was hard and horrible, but time heals your pain as well as it can.  I miss him so very much, but this whole getting married thing really makes the void so much bigger seeming.  I wonder if he would have liked Aaron.  I wonder what advice he'd give us about marriage.  I wonder what he'd look like as a 59 year old.  I wonder what song we would have danced to.  I know that he is always with me, figuratively speaking.  It is just a bummer with no one to blame.  I think some things you just never get over.  Though if life hadn't unfolded the way it did, who knows what my life would be today.  I can say for sure that I am pretty glad for where I am today, so that is something.

Miss you, Dad.

Conversion completed

I'm Orthodox, ya'll!

It is with great joy that I can say I am officially an Orthodox Christian!  I got Chrismated last night along with two of my fellow converts.  Chrismation is sort of the Orthodox version of confirmation.  They do a short ceremony and we hold candles and read the service and get anointed with holy oil.  It was very nice, and I am so happy to be a part of the church that I have grown to truly love after catechism and attending with Aaron for such a long time.  

So for those interested in the process of becoming Orthodox, here is the process:

*Attend some services, meet the people, maybe read some books on Orthodoxy

*Convey your interest to the priest at your church, they will meet with you and let you know some basics and what being Orthodox is like, and other theological things

*Attend catechism.  Once your priests rounds up some interested parties, you'll meet (ours was weekly for about 3 months) and learn all about the Church and Orthodoxy and what we believe.

*After catechism was done, we were encouraged to get involved - attend bible studies, meet fellow parishioners, join the choir, volunteer in the different ministries they offer.

*Attend church services regularly, for between 6 months to a year

*Get a Sponsor/God parent, pick a patron saint

*Go to confession

*Get Chrismated

Your soul is now saved!  ;)

My patron saint I chose is Maria Skobtsova of Paris, for several reasons, some are dumb/silly...

*In Orthodoxy, you celebrate your saint's day, and hers is July 20th.  My birthday and Christmas, and future anniversary etc.  is all in December/January and I wanted a good reason to celebrate something in the off season

*My middle name is Marie, Maria=Marie, pretty similar

*She lived in Paris, and I totally love French things

*She is a new saint - circa 2004, and I am a new Orthodox Christian 

*She seems like she was a really hip lady - she was a poet, into politics and literary circles with intellectuals.  She is like my 1920's hero, lol

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Ok, now that I am done trying to recruit you all...lol  But seriously, if you have any questions or want some suggestions of things to read on the subject, I'd be glad to help (and so would Aaron because he knows a billion times more things about it than me!)

What's in a name...?

Would a Natalie by any other name be as awesome? 

???



I'm taking about my last name.  Do I take Aaron's name and call it a day?  Is hyphenating too pretentious?  Do I stay who I've always been?

I've taken an unofficial poll and I have gotten a multitude of responses.  I see the pros and cons of the different ways you can go about it.

Keeping my name the same.
First of all, so Aaron's opinion is known, he doesn't care one way or another.  I have been Natalie Martinez for almost 30 years.  I've gotten sort of attached to it.  And also it lets people know I am Hispanic, because I sure don't look it!  I am not sure what the hassle of changing your name after marriage is like, but I am sure it is some sort of hassle.  And you know, in some Hispanic cultures the husband takes the wife's name.  Aaron already rejected this idea.  To be fair, he already has a bunch of academic work published under his name.  Which is a really good reason to keep your name.  Or if you are a celebrity, because it will just cause mass confusion.  Doesn't that Jennifer Anthony gal look sorta like J.Lo?  Also a thought (God forbid!)if the relationship doesn't work out, do you change your name back?  What do people think of you if you don't?  My God parents actually really lucked out, because they both had the same last name before they got married!  But someone who authors a blog I read kept her name the same, and all was well.  Until she tried to pick up a certified letter from the post office which was addressed her husband of a different last name.  I guess the postal service is pretty old-school still.

The hyphen.
Natalie Martinez-Hinkley.  I have a dumb story... So when I was little, I would go to girl scout camp in the summer for a week or two, to get acclimated with nature and whatnot.  Well there was some fellow camper one summer who had one of these hyphenated names.  (Mind you, this was before I even understood or heard of hyphened last names.)  So when it was time to get the mail, the counselors would call out our names: 
...Jane Smith...Natalie Martinez...Jennifer Jones-Anderson...
And guys, I would get so annoyed every time they called her name.  My little 10 year old eyes would roll, and I was like, ooh, she thinks she's so special with her two last names, what a stupid loser.  I kid you not.  I have no idea where this prejudice of two last names came from, but the moment I heard one 20 years ago, I was clearly not a fan, lol.  My MOH Katrina has a pretty unique last name, so she intends on hyphenating when she meets that special someone.  I will have to refrain from rolling my eyes at her when I hear her name... jk :)  But on another note, if say you are of a family will all daughters and you want your family name to trudge onward into the future, that is cool.  But what happens when your daughter, Jennifer Jones-Anderson wants to marry Steve Roberts.  Are three hyphens in our future??  Because I can tell you right now, I will not be able to handle that.

Taking his last name.
Natalie Hinkley.  When I asked my Mom about what made her decide to take her husband's last name, she replied:  I didn't even think about it, it is just what you do?  To an extent, I agree.  I don't think I have a single female family member that didn't take her husband's last name.  And embarrassingly enough, I was totally guilty of putting my first name with the last name of boys I had crushes on all throughout my younger days (you know, just to try it out, lol)  So perhaps I was destined to go the traditional route.  And thankfully, Aaron's last name isn't bad.  If it were weiner or something, I might keep my own.  The benefit also, is that when we hopefully one day have a family, we will all be Hinkleys.  And here's another story for you.  It was 2006, and my good friend Trey and I were looking for an apartment to share for our last year of college.  At this point we have had it with gross college apartments, and made a respectable level of income to afford something at the next level.  Well we found the apartment of apartments!  The layout was perfect, it was so much space, the location was great, the closet space and bathrooms were awesome, and the price was SO GOOD compared to comparable places.  So we apply, and we are already envisioning the parties we are going to throw, and the way we are going to set up the furnitures, then something terrible happens.  They declined our application.  Because apparently I have a criminal record of felony abuse to a child.  Fast forward:  after some research, fingerprinting at a police station, and background check ran at my own expense in attempts to clear my name, they did not approve our application.  Even after I proved that the person they thought I was, was currently in prison until 2012.  So we had to live in ghettoville for a year.  On the third floor, which is the worst!
Since then, I have had a major grudge against Natalie N Martinez, who lives in Texas, and also has my exact birthday.  And a criminal record.
And now I cannot rent an apartment, or apply for a job, or a passport without mentioning that, if something horrible pops up, it isn't me.  It is annoying to say the least.
So in that regard, I am glad to get a new safe identity with a not so common last name.


Mourning the loss.
So I am 97% sure that I am going to take Aaron's last name, but I have a nagging feeling of sadness about not being a Martinez any more.  I feel like Natalie Martinez has her days numbered, but who is this Natalie Hinkley?  It is like mourning the loss of my identity almost.  And I know it is totally silly and dumb, but when I think about it, I feel like I am pulling apart from my family when I am no longer a Martinez.  When my Mom got remarried to my step-father and changed her last name, it felt so weird.  Like, is she still 'one of us', well yes, but she is 'one of them' too. (?)  I don't know what I am trying to say, but it was an adjustment.  And when I change my name, my little family of my Mom, brother and I, we will all have different names.  But yeah this is silly, I don't know what is wrong with me, lol.

Anyone out there feel me on this?  Or have a story/situation to share?


We could always combine names, and be Aaron and Natalie Hinktinez.  What do ya think?!  LOL 

Something Blue?

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We are almost to that portion of the program where I must outfit myself for the big day.  I like hammering out little details first because they seem like much less of a big deal than the dreaded dress hunt.  Right now my attentions are focused on the 'something blue' aspect of my look, but I just can't decide on which way I will express this tradition.  I could go with blue shoes as seen above, and since blue is one of our colors, it wouldn't be totally weird?

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 Or if I don't find any blue shoes I love, some clever people thought of a way to bedazzle your wedding shoes with some blue 'I do's!  Very cute indeed.

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Or there is always the blue garter option.  This one has blue and silver, win!

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Blue underwears are also a good way to discreetly wear blue.  Or blue pantaloons for the extra modest ladies out there, lol.

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 I must say, some blue jewels would be a fabulous way to be wearing blue.  Aren't these gorgeous!?

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Or I could get a blue manicure?  My 16 year old self would be high five-ing me, lol

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Eeek, maybe not this.  

What was/is your something blue?

A Letter to Fr John

This is a little late, but...

Two weeks ago, I sent this letter to Fr John, the head priest at our church:

Hi Fr. John, 

I emailed you a while back about reserving January 28th for Aaron Hinkley and I's wedding, and I just had some questions I was hoping you could help me with. 

1. As far as time goes, you had mentioned 4:30 was the latest we could schedule the ceremony?  Just wanted to confirm this.  How long does a ceremony generally last?

2. Are there any certain rules of decorations and things that we should be aware of for decorating the ceremony space?

3. I have never attended an Orthodox wedding, Aaron had told me that we have wedding crowns that we wear for part of the ceremony, is there anything else we need to provide for the ceremony?  And also, I'd like to have a ceremony programs sort of explaining the ceremony (most of our guests will have not been to an Orthodox wedding ceremony) - do you know of a good resource to find this information, or maybe have an example of one?

4. Do we need to provide music?

5. Costs for ceremony?

6. Will the church be available in the afternoon for photos? (we are planning to take them beforehand I think, if we can)

7. Fr. Symeon had mentioned something about meeting for pre-marriage classes, or something along those lines - is that something offered/recommended that couples do?

I think that is all I had for now, sorry there are so many - I am a crazy planner! :) Thank you for all your help!

Natalie Martinez

His response was:

I think we should set up a meeting.

lol

So we did just that, and had a meeting with Fr John last Saturday.

SO helpful!

I got this handy packet of info, all of my questions (for now) answered, AND 2 wedding videos of ceremonies that took place at our church!

In case you ever wondered how to have an Orthodox wedding, here you go! (click the image for a larger view)

Traditions

So sorry for neglecting the blog for an entire week!  I have been mourning the loss of my iPhone, welcoming my new iPad into my electronics family, trying to stay on top of my class work, etc.  After this weekend I hope to be back into my routine!

So I have been casually thinking about wedding traditions, and which ones I want to partake in and which I will pass on.  If Wedding Sunday on WEtv has taught me anything, it is that your wedding can be anything your crazy little brain can think of.  And weddings these days seem to have a 'theme' rather than just being a wedding.  While I think themes are way fun, and can be done in a way that makes the whole shebang personal to the couple yet still classy - some people go waaaaaay overboard.  This isn't your eighth birthday party, people.  I am more of a fan of keeping your wedding like a wedding.  It doesn't need to be skulls and crossbones, or Wizard of Oz, or Safari themed.  I get it if you want to go retro or earthy, but that is about as far as themes should go, if you ask me. 

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No thank you.

I like traditional stuff though.  It is hard though, because the personalization of literally everything involved in a wedding makes your choices limitless in creating the exact perfect day that personifies you and your fiance to a t.  If I were to just spout out some ideas, I'd say; I'd wear a sweater over my dress, and glasses, and I would have a giant cheese sculpture of the characters from The Office (or something to that effect), during the cocktail hour our signature drink would be diet coke, Aaron's cat Irene would be our ring bearer, we'd feast on breakfast for dinner (for dinner), and the party would be over by 10, because we are tired by around then.  Fun party, right?  More like totally weird.

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Or maybe a cow on a motorcycle?

The thing that sticks with me about traditional vs. not, is that I feel like I would regret not doing something the traditional way.  Not that I am in love with all things traditional, but I like that my wedding day would not be all that different from the day my Mom married my Dad, or my Granny married my Grandpa.  Like it is part of the human experience.  I am certain that Granny did not arrive to her wedding on an elephant because it was safari themed.  Though that would have been kind of awesome. 

The only tradition I am semi unfond of is the bouquet and garter toss.  I don't know, but being single up until my late 20s, I can tell you that I would rather hide in a bathroom than stand in a group of fellow single ladies trying to fight over some flowers being thrown at us.  And when I would try to be cool and stay at my table, all the relatives are like  - Go Up there!  All loud and stuff.  Ugh.  Do I want to subject my single friends and family to this??  And plus A pulling a garter off my leg in front of everyone seems equally mortifying.  And I don't know if I am going to have anyone 'give me away' and escort me down the aisle.  It is a complicated issue, which I will go into at another time.  The Orthodox Christian wedding ceremony is kind of different that a regular wedding.  And I only know what it is like from youtube, so I can't go into a lot of detail at this point, but that too can be saved for another post.   

But there are plenty that I want to include.  The 'something old, new, borrowed and blue', and not seeing A until wedding time on the day of - we Mexicans can be a superstitious bunch..., throwing rice alternatives (since rice isn't allowed anywhere anymore), toasting, and cake eating, etc.  It'll be fun! :)