???
I'm taking about my last name. Do I take Aaron's name and call it a day? Is hyphenating too pretentious? Do I stay who I've always been?I've taken an unofficial poll and I have gotten a multitude of responses. I see the pros and cons of the different ways you can go about it.
Keeping my name the same.
First of all, so Aaron's opinion is known, he doesn't care one way or another. I have been Natalie Martinez for almost 30 years. I've gotten sort of attached to it. And also it lets people know I am Hispanic, because I sure don't look it! I am not sure what the hassle of changing your name after marriage is like, but I am sure it is some sort of hassle. And you know, in some Hispanic cultures the husband takes the wife's name. Aaron already rejected this idea. To be fair, he already has a bunch of academic work published under his name. Which is a really good reason to keep your name. Or if you are a celebrity, because it will just cause mass confusion. Doesn't that Jennifer Anthony gal look sorta like J.Lo? Also a thought (God forbid!)if the relationship doesn't work out, do you change your name back? What do people think of you if you don't? My God parents actually really lucked out, because they both had the same last name before they got married! But someone who authors a blog I read kept her name the same, and all was well. Until she tried to pick up a certified letter from the post office which was addressed her husband of a different last name. I guess the postal service is pretty old-school still.
The hyphen.
Natalie Martinez-Hinkley. I have a dumb story... So when I was little, I would go to girl scout camp in the summer for a week or two, to get acclimated with nature and whatnot. Well there was some fellow camper one summer who had one of these hyphenated names. (Mind you, this was before I even understood or heard of hyphened last names.) So when it was time to get the mail, the counselors would call out our names:
...Jane Smith...Natalie Martinez...Jennifer Jones-Anderson...
And guys, I would get so annoyed every time they called her name. My little 10 year old eyes would roll, and I was like, ooh, she thinks she's so special with her two last names, what a stupid loser. I kid you not. I have no idea where this prejudice of two last names came from, but the moment I heard one 20 years ago, I was clearly not a fan, lol. My MOH Katrina has a pretty unique last name, so she intends on hyphenating when she meets that special someone. I will have to refrain from rolling my eyes at her when I hear her name... jk :) But on another note, if say you are of a family will all daughters and you want your family name to trudge onward into the future, that is cool. But what happens when your daughter, Jennifer Jones-Anderson wants to marry Steve Roberts. Are three hyphens in our future?? Because I can tell you right now, I will not be able to handle that.
Taking his last name.
Natalie Hinkley. When I asked my Mom about what made her decide to take her husband's last name, she replied: I didn't even think about it, it is just what you do? To an extent, I agree. I don't think I have a single female family member that didn't take her husband's last name. And embarrassingly enough, I was totally guilty of putting my first name with the last name of boys I had crushes on all throughout my younger days (you know, just to try it out, lol) So perhaps I was destined to go the traditional route. And thankfully, Aaron's last name isn't bad. If it were weiner or something, I might keep my own. The benefit also, is that when we hopefully one day have a family, we will all be Hinkleys. And here's another story for you. It was 2006, and my good friend Trey and I were looking for an apartment to share for our last year of college. At this point we have had it with gross college apartments, and made a respectable level of income to afford something at the next level. Well we found the apartment of apartments! The layout was perfect, it was so much space, the location was great, the closet space and bathrooms were awesome, and the price was SO GOOD compared to comparable places. So we apply, and we are already envisioning the parties we are going to throw, and the way we are going to set up the furnitures, then something terrible happens. They declined our application. Because apparently I have a criminal record of felony abuse to a child. Fast forward: after some research, fingerprinting at a police station, and background check ran at my own expense in attempts to clear my name, they did not approve our application. Even after I proved that the person they thought I was, was currently in prison until 2012. So we had to live in ghettoville for a year. On the third floor, which is the worst!
Since then, I have had a major grudge against Natalie N Martinez, who lives in Texas, and also has my exact birthday. And a criminal record.
And now I cannot rent an apartment, or apply for a job, or a passport without mentioning that, if something horrible pops up, it isn't me. It is annoying to say the least.
So in that regard, I am glad to get a new safe identity with a not so common last name.
Mourning the loss.
So I am 97% sure that I am going to take Aaron's last name, but I have a nagging feeling of sadness about not being a Martinez any more. I feel like Natalie Martinez has her days numbered, but who is this Natalie Hinkley? It is like mourning the loss of my identity almost. And I know it is totally silly and dumb, but when I think about it, I feel like I am pulling apart from my family when I am no longer a Martinez. When my Mom got remarried to my step-father and changed her last name, it felt so weird. Like, is she still 'one of us', well yes, but she is 'one of them' too. (?) I don't know what I am trying to say, but it was an adjustment. And when I change my name, my little family of my Mom, brother and I, we will all have different names. But yeah this is silly, I don't know what is wrong with me, lol.
Anyone out there feel me on this? Or have a story/situation to share?
We could always combine names, and be Aaron and Natalie Hinktinez. What do ya think?! LOL
6 comments:
LOL!! I Love your combining names option :-). The name thing is a dilema ....to change. Thankfully, I'm not changing mine. My dad passed when I was 10 and keeping my last name is my way of keeping his memory alive...in my heart. Our Kids will have kev's last name though.
On the contrary, I'm not a fan of the hyphen. I want to keep my last name as a middle name. My legal name will be Katrina Louise Winant Smith. But my name on paper will just be Katrina Smith. I do want to be Katrina Winant forever, because I'm the only one!
E Gibbs gave me the idea! :)
My 2 cents for what it is worth, I am changing my last name to Starr. Why you may ask? Because, I don't want to be the only one in my family with a different last name.
I was the only one with Soto in my family growing up and I am once again the only one with Soto in my newly formed family.
I am excited about finally having the same name as the 2 people I love the most.
I felt the same way before we got married and just decided to keep my own name. it was a little because I'm an artist and I wanted to retain my name but also because I felt like I was giving up my identity. but informally I will hyphenate, in fact we are both hyphenating to miller-Floyd. Also we call you guys the Martinklies, so maybe that could be an option. Anyway when you file with the state for your marriage licence they should give you social security administration papers to change your name.
I chose to hyphenate my name because I felt like I would lose part of my ethnic identity in changing it completely to Betty. (Aside from the fact that I think "Betty" is a pretty silly sounding last name). In the Mexican culture (from Mexico), the woman will retain her fathers name and add on the husband's at the end. Mexicans use both the last name of the mother and father with the mother's last name at the end. When the Mexican girl gets married, she drops the mother's maiden name and adds the husband's at the end. Hyphenating seemed natural to me. It isn't super difficult to change your name, but there is a sadness and excitement to it.
I couldn't take the plunge all the way with my name because I wanted to hold onto the culture I struggled to come to terms with growing up and learned to love and value. When Norah was born, Matt left her name up to me and I decided that she should just be a Betty.
The lovely thing about a hyphen is that you can choose which name you want to be on any given day. This is very helpful when dealing with utilities or it can be more difficult when dealing with customer service.
Maybe you'll have better luck since most people won't think Hinkley is your first name. :)
Shannon wanted / wants me to take her last name which I will do, eventually. My Dad was upset and offended when we told him I was taking Shannon's name and even more infuriated when we told him our son, Jacob, would also get Shannon's name.
But my point is I've never cared about my legal name, I haven't told a friend to call me Ryan since junior high when I finally accepted Igor after being teased for five years.
I will still be Ryan Harrison, I will just be adding Winton to the end, I will have two middle names (no, you don't get to see the other middle name).
When your child is born, you will have a new identity, Mom. It is unlike anything you've ever experienced and no one will care what your last name is (except the hospital b/c it has to be right on the birth certificate).
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